Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13) Read online

  He'd said, "If it's a choice between five minutes with her and an hour in hell, I think I'll take my chances with the devil."

  He frowned, then his face cleared. "Ah."

  "Yeah." I shook my head. "Let's just say I won't be ordering wedding invitations any time soon."

  "I'm sorry." After a few seconds silence, he said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

  I shrugged. "Not much to say."

  He gave my shoulder a squeeze I barely felt through my thick coat and the sweater I wore beneath it, and we walked on without talking.

  After a while, though, I found myself wanting to know what he thought. He'd known me a long time and knew I wasn't exactly a nun, and I knew he wasn't a monk either so he wasn't too likely to judge me. "Would you be bothered by dating a woman who had more experience than you did?"

  "More-- ah. Bedroom experience, I assume?"

  I nodded.

  He didn't speak for several steps, and nervousness began to flicker through me like a sickening flame. "You know what, never mind."

  He turned to me. "Why?"

  I winced. "If you're going to say you'd think she's a slut, I'd rather not hear it." Again.

  "I wasn't, actually. Still want me not to tell you?"

  I took a deep breath. "I'll risk it. Go ahead."

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You're not a slut. Did he actually say that to you?"

  "Not in those words, but the undertone was screaming pretty loudly."

  His hold on me tightened. "Jerk."

  "Totally."

  I leaned against him for a second then pulled away, feeling weird about basically cuddling with Percy. "So? What do you think?"

  He released me. "I've never really thought about it before and I'm kind of torn. On the one hand I feel like I wouldn't care. I don't think there are many virgins rattling around Toronto, and it's especially hypocritical to expect one if you're not one yourself."

  I gave a small laugh and told him how Calvin had reluctantly agreed it'd be okay for a woman to have a third of his experience.

  "Yeah, exactly that. Hypocritical. But at the same time, I might feel intimidated. I don't like it but..." He shrugged. "If a woman's got a list of, say..."

  I watched him searching for a number and prayed he wouldn't say twenty or something like that.

  "I don't know, say a thousand lovers? I think I'd be afraid I wouldn't measure up."

  I laughed, relieved, but he didn't. "I don't like that, actually. I mean it that I shouldn't care, but if I shouldn't care then I shouldn't care if her list has one hundred or a thousand or ten names. Right?"

  I found myself, to my surprise, arguing Calvin's side of the argument. "But ten is different than a thousand. I mean, she wouldn't have really been in love with all those guys. Maybe that's why it's different. It would just have been sex."

  He shrugged again. "If both sides were happy with that, I don't see why it's my concern."

  I didn't know what to say any more.

  He stopped and turned me to face him. "I'm not asking the length of your list, but I've known you long enough to know it's got more than ten names. But I also know you're no slut. Don't let that jerk make you feel bad."

  I looked up into his warm blue eyes, and realized that was exactly what I was doing. I hadn't felt bad about my romantic resume before, and I didn't need to now either. "Okay, I won't. Thank you."

  He took hold of my shoulders. "You're welcome." He gave me a sad smile. "My mother would have said, 'Come here and let me hug that bad feeling away.'"

  My heart twinged. I was worrying about what some random guy thought of my sex life and Percy had lost his mother. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be whining when you've got so much more to deal with."

  He shook his head. "I don't mind. I'm used to you whining." He tried a bigger smile but it didn't quite come off.

  "Yeah, but still..." His mother was gone. I let my mind form a picture of what it would be like if mine died. No more mother. I'd never be able to see or talk to her again.

  All the air seemed to leave my lungs at once. What an awful thought. I shook my head to force it away. Horrible just to imagine it, and he was living it. "I've always got hugs available if you think they might help."

  He tucked a piece of my hair back under the hat my mom had bought me for Christmas then looked into my eyes.

  The sadness I saw in his face made me reach out and wrap my arms around his waist. He pulled me close, and we stood together.

  We'd hugged before, lots of times over the years, but this time was different. I'd never felt so safe in someone's arms, or so warm even though we were standing in the snow. Like the orange Sasha had given me and the feelings after yoga class, Percy's hug was clean and simple and pure, and I loved it.

  No sexy guy had ever made me feel like that. Then again, no nice guy had either, until now.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  After the hockey game finished, Percy said, "Well, I should get going. Don't want to interrupt Paddington's sleep."

  I looked down at my dog, passed out on the floor where he'd been since he'd devoured his dinner. "I don't think you could if you tried." I shook my head. "He's never this mellow. I need to let him run like that more often."

  "He did seem to have a good time. I hope you did too.

  "Definitely. And thank you so much for all your work today."

  He waved this off with, "My pleasure. Besides, you bought me pizza and made me hot chocolate and let me watch the hockey game with you."

  I smiled at him. "It was fun." We'd argued a great deal over the play of our respective favorite players but he'd eventually conceded that I was right and Forrest Williams was the best forward the Hogs had ever had.

  "Only because I let you win."

  "Well, yeah."

  We laughed, and he said, "Anything else I need to fix before I go?"

  I picked up my notebook and showed him the pages. "All crossed off. You're done for the day." Before he could respond, I added, "But be at the office bright and early tomorrow so we can do the work we didn't do today."

  "What'd your last slave die of?"

  I smiled sweetly at him. "Underwork and overpay. Why?"

  "I see you've decided to take the opposite tack with me."

  "It's good to change things up."

  He grinned, and I followed him to the door where he got his coat and boots on.

  Once dressed for the frosty weather, he turned and held out his arms to me. I wanted another dose of the warm coziness I felt when he held me, so I stepped forward and hugged him.

  He gave me a gentle squeeze, short but nonetheless great, then stepped back. "Have a good night. Oh, and when Paddington wakes up tell him I said he'd better not chew that baseboard again."

  I laughed. "I'll tell him, but he never listens."

  "Then also tell him he needs to listen to his mommy."

  My smile was a little tight.

  "What?"

  I shook my head. "Nothing. Just not sure how I feel about you seeing me as a mommy replacement."

  Percy blinked. "I said you were the dog's mommy, not mine."

  I felt my cheeks growing hot but I was in too deep to get out now. "Yeah, I know. But last night you said you were..." I was being an idiot. "Ah, forget it."

  He moved closer. "No, keep going. I don't understand."

  I looked down. "You said you should have helped your mom more so you were helping me, and..." My blush grew. "You called me mommy earlier to Paddington." I shook my head. "Never mind. It's just me being stupid."

  Percy stood silent for a moment, while I hoped the house would collapse around us to end this awkward moment, then he cleared his throat. "Lydia, trust me, I don't see you as my mother."

  I looked up, surprised that his voice was so raspy, and when our eyes locked I felt like the house had collapsed as my world seemed to shake around me.

  He gently brushed his fingers over my cheek. "Far from it," he said softly, almost whispered.

&n
bsp; I stared at him, too confused by the wild sensations rushing through me to speak. Where he'd touched it, my skin seemed to blaze with vibrant white light.

  He looked away and stepped back. "Well. Um. I should get going."

  I took a deep breath, dragging the air into my body and pushing out whatever insanity had taken me over. "Yeah. Since you have to be at work early tomorrow."

  He backed up another step and fumbled in his coat pocket for his car keys. "Exactly. See you tomorrow, Flipper."

  I managed to mumble a reply, and he smiled and was gone.

  Once I'd locked the door behind him, I dropped onto the couch and wrapped my arms around my knees. What the hell had that been? I'd never felt attracted to Percy before, and I wasn't even sure I had now. His touch had felt like pure lightning, sharp and clear, without any of the dirtiness I'd always felt when attracted to a guy.

  Maybe he'd had static electricity from the carpet on his hand when he touched my cheek.

  Yeah, probably.

  But regardless, his withdrawal had raised other emotions and feelings in me, far less pleasant than his touch.

  I ran through my interactions with guys so far that week. Percy had just backed away from me. Calvin had thought I was disgusting. Felix played games with me and no doubt expected I'd eventually beg him to be with me.

  And I might, since I'd gone months without the feel of a guy's body against mine and it was clouding my judgment. Clearly, since Percy had halfway turned me on.

  I never made good decisions in a hormonally charged state. Many of my returns to Damien had come after too long without sex. I'd realized that flaw in myself back in college, so I'd devised a simple solution to clear my mind and relax my body, one that left me feeling desirable and in control. I needed to implement it again now.

  I went to bed planning a one-night stand.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Good morning, my lovelies! A small change of terminology has occurred to me. We've been calling Monday our 'spoiling' day, but I don't like that any more. Spoiled things are rotten. And we're not remotely rotten.

  But we are in need of self-care, of listening to ourselves and recognizing what we really need to make us happy and healthy and fulfilled. So let's call today, and every Monday, 'self-care day' instead, okay?

  And tell me what you'll do to care for yourself! I'll go first: I'll be giving myself a treat later this week, something I've wanted and needed for ages. (It's a secret, though, so no details!)

  Have a wonderful day taking care of yourself!

  *****

  "Lydia, can I have a word?" Felix said from his casual perch on the edge of the big conference room's table at the end of Monday's staff meeting.

  I'd been heading for the door but paused. "Sure." To Percy, I said, "I'll come find you when I'm done here."

  He smiled, with no hint of the electricity that had passed between us Sunday night in his face or eyes. He'd been friendly since I arrived that morning but not unusually so. Maybe he hadn't even noticed that weird spark. "I'll get the files open."

  When everyone had left, Felix said, "Shut the door."

  I did, wondering why he'd suddenly gone so serious. Had he found out somehow that I'd spent Sunday with Percy?

  Not that I didn't have every right to do that.

  Once I had the door closed, I took the chair he'd pushed out in front of him and said, "What's up?", doing my best to keep my voice calm and steady.

  He held my gaze with no emotion in his face then grinned. "Sorry, just teasing. Had you going for a minute, though, didn't I?"

  I leaned back in my seat, playing along with his game though I didn't want to because it was all I knew how to do with him. "You're such a jerk! I thought I was in trouble or something."

  He laughed. "You? Never. You're too perfect. Canada's Carrie Bradshaw. No, I want to know how Friday went."

  "Sunday?"

  His eyebrows went up. "Was your date rescheduled again?"

  I felt my cheeks go hot but tried to stay cool. "No, sorry, I was thinking of... never mind. No, it was Friday."

  "And? How was the great and wonderful Calvin?"

  His tone said he suspected things hadn't gone well, and I found myself falling back into my usual way of interacting with him, blinking innocently and saying, "You don't think he's great?"

  He winked. "I think he's uptight and way too dull for you."

  "Really." I raised my chin, pleased but also a little annoyed. "And how would you know who's too dull for me?"

  Leaning forward, he looked into my eyes. "I know. That guy couldn't set you on fire with a book of matches. You're too passionate to put up with that. You need sparks. Chemistry." His gaze intensified, filling with heat and hunger. "Like we have."

  My body tried to sway toward him and away at the same time, succeeding only in giving a shudder.

  He brushed his fingertips over my lips. "Gorgeous girl. You drive me crazy, you know."

  The fire his touch sent through me would have put a blowtorch to shame, never mind matches. "I do?"

  He nodded. "I can't stop thinking about you. When this project's over, I have plans for us."

  His eyes said those plans involved us naked together, and it felt wrong and delicious at once.

  He smiled at me and drew back. "But the project won't be over unless you get to work. So off you go."

  "Of course, boss," I said, making a mockery of it. "Right away, sir."

  He laughed. "I could get used to that."

  "Don't," I called over my shoulder as I walked, letting my hips sway, to the door.

  I gave Percy, who'd looked up at my arrival, a 'just a second' gesture and zipped off to the bathroom, needing to calm down.

  Running cold water over my wrists to literally cool my jets, I stood with my hands under the faucet and took deep breaths.

  Felix was right, damn him. I did need a guy who made me wild, and he'd certainly done that when we'd kissed. He'd done it today too; just that touch on my lips had sent my libido into overdrive.

  But I couldn't think well when I was wild, and I needed to or Felix would end up calling all the shots.

  I dried off my hands and left the bathroom. Percy was on the phone when I returned to the office so I couldn't work with him right away, and I took it as a sign.

  I went to my desk and began the preparations I'd honed over quite a few of such encounters in the past. The way I approached it made it about as romantic as booking a dentist appointment, but I didn't care. It had always worked, and that was what mattered.

  First, I did an Internet search for conferences in and around Toronto, and soon located one for chartered accountants that Thursday to Saturday in nearby Mississauga. Perfect. I didn't know any accountants so I wouldn't recognize anyone there, and Mississauga was close enough to get to easily but not so close that I might see someone I knew.

  I made a reservation at the conference hotel for Thursday night, when I would hang out in the hotel bar until I found a guy who appealed to me. Then I'd take him up to my room, and afterwards I'd be less hormonally challenged and better able to handle Felix.

  Who'd have thought a one-night stand would be so 'good to myself'?

  *****

  Wow, guys, those are some great self-care ideas! Keep 'em coming! And no, I won't tell you what my secret one is.

  Oh, all right, you talked me into it.

  It's a massage! I'm all booked for Thursday night now, so I'll go and get my whole body rubbed and relaxed. Touch is so important and we all need it, but somehow it seems wrong to go out and get it. I guess the non-single women out there can get it from their husbands or boyfriends, but for me this is by far the easiest way.

  So expect me to be so relaxed Friday that I can barely type. At least, I hope I'll be that way! Nothing worse than a massage from someone who doesn't know how. :)

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  "So, what's new with you?"

  I studied Sasha across the Starbucks table and wondered what she
'd do if I answered with, "I'll be picking up some guy Thursday night." Keel over, probably. She was no doubt either blissfully happy with her sex life or one of those women who shut the whole project down once she'd had her kids.

  I knew about them, because their husbands would be after me at the bar Thursday. I'd become good at subtly checking for wedding rings and tell-tale finger dents where a ring had been and watching for other signs of marital status like stumbles in conversation as the guy tried to avoid saying 'we', though, and I'd find myself an unattached guy. This was supposed to be quick and uncomplicated, and a married guy is the definition of complicated.

  Sasha waved her hand in front of my face, and I blinked. "Sorry. Thinking. Um, not much. You?"

  "Nothing," she said, looking sad she didn't have more to report.

  When she'd invited me for coffee last week I'd wondered whether it would work, and now I knew. We'd been out fifteen minutes already and we'd sat silent more than we'd talked. We were far too different, I supposed. No middle ground.

  "Oh," she said, looking excited, "I forgot. How did your date go?"

  I'd hoped she had forgotten. I shrugged, not wanting to get into the gory details. "Fine. I doubt we'll go out again, though."

  "Why not?"

  Because I walked out on him? I shrugged again. "No chemistry," I said, then felt annoyed with myself for using Felix's word.

  Sasha looked like she wanted to say something more but couldn't figure out how since I hadn't given her an opening. I'd done that on purpose, but now I felt bad because she was trying so hard. "But hey, I do have something to report. I spent lunch today working on that communications course I bought last week."

  She leaned back in her chair, looking relieved. "That's great. Learn anything?"

  I nodded, and began telling her about the broken record technique the course had covered, ending with, "As long as you give the same response over and over, the person you're talking to can't push you around or take over. I read though their examples and it sounds kind of weird, but it did seem to work. Of course, stuff always works perfectly in books or courses, doesn't it?"